children's hospital

The words just don't seem to go together to me - Children's Hospital. Don't get me wrong I'm soooo thankful to have a place that focuses on healing children and to have a place like that so near to our home - we are very lucky. Somehow though I can't manage to get over seeing and hearing those two words together- Children's Hospital. Last week while we were in the hospital there were several things that I struggled with not only concerning Camilla being a patient there and what she was having to deal with but just the fact that anyone has to be in this place. If you ever have to go to CH (and I hope you never do) I recommend keeping your head down and don't speak to anyone until you get where your going! Ha - bet you'd bump into quite a few walls that way! But seriously, last week when I'd make my coffee run down the street or even to the main floor for the cafeteria I made the mistake of looking around. Looking around to see an ice cream truck parked in front of a hospital, an empty playground outside of the hosptial (all of the children are inside), the emergency helicopter continuously taking off and landing, a VERY upset family in the chapel, walking down the halls and hearing screams and crys, seeing 'quarantined' signs on doors of rooms with a crib in it, a Mother in the main lobby whose whole world had obviously just collapsed and a small funeral home van pulling up to the back of the hospital. I struggled with being identified as a "Children's Mom" 4 blocks away at Starbucks because of the band on my wrist and having to relay why my child was there to a stranger and then having to listen to a Mother say words like 'bone marrow transplant' and 'luekemia' about her son. It is so very difficult to erase these voices and images and then to think that I'm part of this group. I'm not an outsider looking in. I have a child with very serious medical problems and a very unsure road ahead of her laying in that hospital the same as the other Moms I see around me. That realization hurt the most - that and the fact that this will probably not be our last visit to this place.

Please bear with me - good days and bad - I promise to post about Camilla's tests and pics from our stay next! We have also celebrated her fourth birthday recently - pics to follow soon!